'Did you know she's getting divorced? It's really bad, they're doing with lawyers. Or at least, that's what I heard...'
It's easy to recognise a gossip. But how do you react to this? Is this good or bad? Isn't gossip just human? Isn't it a way to bond with others? Shouldn't we belong to the group and gossip ourselves?
Well, yes, it's human. But there's good gossip. And there's bad gossip. Drawing a line is difficult. For sure, you can share your colleagues' travel plans to others. Or your nephew's new job. No harm done. The easiest way to draw a line, is to make a distinction between nice things to say about others and bad things to say about others.
So how do you react to a 'bad' gossip, for example a divorce? For Highly Sensitive Persons (HSP), a natural reaction would be to show compassion. Unfortunately, with gossip, you're not showing compassion to the right person.
There are plenty of ways how to react to bad gossip. The key is to let the gossiper know it isn't nice to say such things to you - in a polite way. It can be by saying 'have you talked to her?' innocently. Or 'well, I'd suggest you let her know you're there for her.' If you're up to it, you can step it up with 'do you think she would like you to talk about this with me?' or simply 'that's none of our business.'
Why isn't it nice to say such things? Simply because it's the person itself that should talk with you about the divorce. It's the person's choice. So make sure to disconnect from bad gossip at the right time in the right way. Otherwise, those persons will come back to you with bad gossip - again and again. And because HSPs are deeply empathic, they will feel worse than others when hearing it.
Disconnecting, just like saying no, is difficult for HSPs. Displeasing others is just very challenging. That is one reason why HSPs hate gossip. Another reason is that disconnecting from gossipers doesn't disconnect you from gossip.
HSPs tend to notice small things. Also when someone whispers to someone else a gossip. While checking anxiously if anyone can hear. Or turning a bad eye to the subject of the gossip. It's easy to say to let go.
HSPs also notice when people behave differently. So if you shared a 'bad' gossip about yourself, you can notice others who you haven't told it are different towards you. Which makes you question who spread the bad gossip. And yes, it's just hurtful when people are talking badly about you anyway.
It's important to know that gossiping and gossipers are not your problem. You cannot prevent people from gossiping. It is not your responsibility. The most important task is not to gossip yourself, as well as disconnecting and distancing yourself from 'bad' gossip.
Also: sharing opinions, judgments or negative information about absent persons doesn't lead anywhere and doesn't help anyone. 'Bad' gossip is a waste of time and energy. So don't. Imagine everyone would use that time and energy to ask the person concerned 'how are you' - what a wonderful world it would be.
Questions to ask yourself:
It's easy to recognise a gossip. But how do you react to this? Is this good or bad? Isn't gossip just human? Isn't it a way to bond with others? Shouldn't we belong to the group and gossip ourselves?
Well, yes, it's human. But there's good gossip. And there's bad gossip. Drawing a line is difficult. For sure, you can share your colleagues' travel plans to others. Or your nephew's new job. No harm done. The easiest way to draw a line, is to make a distinction between nice things to say about others and bad things to say about others.
So how do you react to a 'bad' gossip, for example a divorce? For Highly Sensitive Persons (HSP), a natural reaction would be to show compassion. Unfortunately, with gossip, you're not showing compassion to the right person.
There are plenty of ways how to react to bad gossip. The key is to let the gossiper know it isn't nice to say such things to you - in a polite way. It can be by saying 'have you talked to her?' innocently. Or 'well, I'd suggest you let her know you're there for her.' If you're up to it, you can step it up with 'do you think she would like you to talk about this with me?' or simply 'that's none of our business.'
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| Gossip - just don't (c) |
Disconnecting, just like saying no, is difficult for HSPs. Displeasing others is just very challenging. That is one reason why HSPs hate gossip. Another reason is that disconnecting from gossipers doesn't disconnect you from gossip.
HSPs tend to notice small things. Also when someone whispers to someone else a gossip. While checking anxiously if anyone can hear. Or turning a bad eye to the subject of the gossip. It's easy to say to let go.
HSPs also notice when people behave differently. So if you shared a 'bad' gossip about yourself, you can notice others who you haven't told it are different towards you. Which makes you question who spread the bad gossip. And yes, it's just hurtful when people are talking badly about you anyway.
It's important to know that gossiping and gossipers are not your problem. You cannot prevent people from gossiping. It is not your responsibility. The most important task is not to gossip yourself, as well as disconnecting and distancing yourself from 'bad' gossip.
Also: sharing opinions, judgments or negative information about absent persons doesn't lead anywhere and doesn't help anyone. 'Bad' gossip is a waste of time and energy. So don't. Imagine everyone would use that time and energy to ask the person concerned 'how are you' - what a wonderful world it would be.
Questions to ask yourself:
- Do I gossip?
- How can I distance myself from 'bad' gossip in my way?
- How can I tell someone not to gossip in my presence?
- How can I avoid environments where people gossip 'badly'?
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